


Cruciferae

by goseaward



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M, One of My Favorites
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-08-05
Updated: 2009-08-05
Packaged: 2017-10-31 14:03:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,413
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/344840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goseaward/pseuds/goseaward
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes, the side effects are worse than the cure. But mostly they're just annoying.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cruciferae

**Author's Note:**

> For Beth's birthday.  
> Femme betaed this fast as lightning because she is AMAZING.

Severus had known there would be side effects. There always were to magic this dangerous. But he thought he'd been through the worst after his two years of constant headaches from soul reattachment--if making a Horcrux was hard, combining the fractured soul back to one was hellish. (He thought he had some knowledge of the comparison, now.) 

That was before he ate a turnip. 

He thought, as he raced to his quarters, that he'd expected the one-month anniversary of his last headache to be a happy day. And it was. Just not quite the way he'd imagined. He closed and locked the door, grabbed the rather dusty bottle of lubricant still in his bedside drawer from before his unfortunate almost-death, and nearly ripped the buttons off his robes as he grabbed for himself. 

*** 

"Are you feeling all right, Snape?" Al raised an eyebrow. 

"Quite fine, Potter," Severus said. He raised an eyebrow, to show the boy how it was done, and rearranged some of the bottles on his desk. 

Al sat down in one of the creaky armchairs facing the desk. Severus often forgot he had been a Gryffindor, as he was significantly less annoying than the average member of that House, but sometimes he was unpleasantly reminded. "You left early from lunch," Al said. "Have the headaches returned?" 

"No. I am perfectly well." 

"It's been a month." Al watched him, concentrating. "I thought we were free of--" 

Severus snarled. "Potter, I have not had a headache." 

"All right," Al said, placidly. 

"I would inform you _instantly_ of any new symptoms." 

Al snorted. 

Severus rearranged more of the bottles on his desk. "As you can see, I am busy," he said. "Do you not have an unfortunate student to mend? I would hate to report to the Headmistress that you were shirking your duties." 

"You just moved those bottles back where they were when I came in," Al said. 

Severus paused. Damn it. "I was testing a new order. It was not satisfactory. Although it might have been the company." He switched two bottles. 

"Now you're just being mean," Al said. He stood. "Let me know if anything new ...pops up." 

"Without a moment's delay," Severus said. He knew he'd imagined the pause. Al left without another word. 

*** 

Severus sighed and passed over the neeps and tatties at supper two days later. Instead, he grabbed a pile of broccoli and tucked in. 

But the minute the first floret crossed his lips, he was in trouble. He looked to the side, where Al was conversing with Hooch, and forced himself to eat more. His unfortunate reaction became even more unfortunate with the second bite, and he gave up the broccoli as lost before attempting the roast chicken. It was difficult to eat when his every instinct told him to rip off his clothes and take himself in hand, but he would be damned if he let someone young enough to be his grandchild mother him about his health. 

He conversed with Minerva, a safe person as far as not increasing his problem, and chewed on a buttered roll. Just as he was finishing, and felt he could leave without making a scene, Minerva's eyes flicked up behind him. With certain dread, he turned. Al was standing behind him, hand on the back of his chair. 

"Broccoli is good for you, Snape," he said. 

"I found it improperly cooked," Severus said. He stood up, shoving the chair back, and was disappointed when Al didn't fall over. "Minerva." He bowed slightly and all but ran for his quarters. 

*** 

The boy sat and watched Severus. Severus watched him back. He'd been summoned-- _summoned!_ \--to the infirmary and he would not speak first. 

Finally, Al leaned forward and folded his hands. Severus snorted, but Al ignored it. "Snape, there is obviously something wrong," he said. 

"Obviously there is not." 

Tilting his head slightly, Al said, "If there was something wrong with the broccoli, you would have been upbraiding the elves if you had to go to the kitchen yourself." 

"How do you know I didn't?" Severus crossed his arms. 

"I asked them." 

"And you believe the _elves_ ," Severus said in his most belittling tone. 

Al seemed unaffected. "Snape, I cannot help you if you don't talk to me." 

"I hardly think a Mediwizard in his first year of practice, forty-five years my junior, could help me even if such were required." He stood. "If this is quite finished, I have duties to attend to." 

"I hardly think you can call it forty-five years when twenty-four of them were spent as--" 

"We do NOT discuss that," Severus said. 

"Do we need to discuss it?" Al stood. "I'm the one that found you, Snape, I saw what you--" 

"I said we DO NOT--" 

"Are the memory charms not holding?" he said. He looked suddenly intense, and Severus was reminded of his father in a way he rarely was. "If that is the problem--" 

"They are holding," Severus gritted out. "I will come to you if I have any further difficulties." He turned on his heel and left the room. 

*** 

Severus breathed a sigh of relief when Saturday supper didn't have turnips or broccoli, or even cauliflower or radishes--he was getting jumpy about things that even resembled the foods that had given him trouble. As a further bonus, Al was nowhere to be seen. Severus loaded up his plate with salad, slices of roast beef, boiled cabbage, and deviled eggs. 

With the first bite of the salad, though, he was in trouble. The roast beef was no better--or the cabbage--or the eggs-- Severus broke into a sweat. He'd been hard enough to hammer nails with the salad, and now he felt positively huge, and the friction just of his undergarments was nearly enough to finish him off. He took a tentative bite of the roast beef again and saw stars. 

He stood, and Minerva looked up, worried. "Severus?" she said. "Do I need to call--" 

"NO," Severus said. "I am perfectly well." Minerva didn't look convinced, and Severus ran from the room. 

His quarters had never seemed so far away, but finally he reached them. The door was open, and Al was already inside. 

"Out!" Severus said, barely restraining himself from grabbing his wand and hexing the boy to Brazil. 

"No," Al said, and charmed the door shut. 

Severus advanced on him. He was angry enough that he could almost forget his not-so-little problem. "These are my private quarters," he hissed. "You will leave. Now." 

Al stood and removed his shirt. 

Severus gaped. 

"I am going to help you out," he said, with a dangerous glint in his eye. Severus cursed Godric Gryffindor in every language he knew. "Then we are going to have a discussion about proper respect." 

"We certainly are," Severus said, but Al pressed his hand exactly where Severus needed, and he found he could no longer speak. 

*** 

"This would have been so much easier if you'd just told me," Al said. 

Severus snorted. "So you could dose me with your feeble attempts at potions and tell me not to eat turnips?" 

"No, so I could do this," Al said, and ran his hand up Severus's side. 

"Well, you may have to do it often," Severus said. "It seems I cannot eat anything now. If somebody had told me that before I made the Horcrux--" 

"You would have done it anyway." Al leaned up on one elbow. "By the way, it's not all foods. I just asked the elves to make sure every dish had something from the Brassicaceae family of plants. Those seem to be your problem." 

Severus sat up. "You deliberately--" 

"Because you would have told me otherwise?" Al said. 

"That was entirely unfair," Severus said. 

Al grinned. "Worked, though." 

Severus let himself fall back down, thankful for the rug. "Well, your services are no longer needed as long as you stay away from the kitchens." 

"Your services are still required," Al said. Damn the boy, he got the eyebrow right that time. 

"You will find I am not a young man," Severus said. "I doubt I can keep you..." He trailed off as Al held up a small pot of something blue. "What in Merlin's name is that?" 

Al positively smirked. "Woad," he said. "Guess what kind of plant makes it?" 

Severus changed his mind. He wished the rug weren't there. Slamming one's head against flagstones was so much more satisfying. 


End file.
